A corporate looking logo can effectively make you look far more important than you actually are. By adopting this simple 1,2,3 step guide we can turn your existing crummy logo into a world beating effort - garaunteed to impress the ladieees.

Step 1 - Choose a dull font such as helvetica
In the world of high flying executives and corporate back slapping deals done upon yachts etc. the one thing almost all self-made millionaires will agree on is that you must give the impression that your company is a straightlaced solemn outfit. Standard fontfaces such as helvetica or times will signify your ability to fit in with suits without ruffling too many feathers and will be looked favourably upon by those all important investors looking to harvest some of their cash in your business.

Step 2 - Choose a dull colour such as grey
Battleship grey - has there ever been a colour more appropriate for the deadening nature of high corporate investiture? No, not by my reckoning at any rate. But surely a grey logo among a sea of other bland logos is just going to get lost isn't it? Hmmm, I've got to hand it to you, you're right but do you know what - if we add a smidgin of royal blue somewhere within our hypothetical logo we achieve the type of chin stroking brilliance that committee members and associate directors can spend literally minutes debating before abstaining to the golf course and soho massage parlours.

Step 3 - Choose a dull symbol such as a circle
Right this is where our creative minds get to have some fun. Do we put the grey/blue circle before the words or after? Above or below? Whatever you choose to do make sure it doesn't involve anything too clever or inspiring. Remember our aim here is to look 'corporate' and sensible not like some kind of fun loving chimps, you gets me. Right the logo should be just about complete and ready to enter the exhilarating world of corporate high life. To celebrate why not throw a lavish party inviting your corporate buddies like Dave and Steve from down the pub?

To summarise, what we want to achieve is an air of 'dullness' yet reliability. Choose a dull font, keep the colour palette strictly dull- nothing too interesting and if you must add a quirky symbol of some sort make sure it keeps well within the dull spectrum of ideas i.e. a circle or square. Corporate Logo Design is not rocket science but if you want to give off the right impression you've got to go with the flow. Right now where did I leave that bowl of cocaine I'm off to a corporate party. Toodle pip.